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I got Nathan to eat breakfast, fixed him a snack that I left on the nightstand, along with a few of the action-adventure novels he favored, then assembled what I hoped would be the perfect outfit for such an important occasion. I blow-dried my hair and used a flatiron to wrangle it into a pretty, but not too flashy, style. I applied subdued makeup and added my favorite strand of lucky Chanel pearls to my ivory satin blouse and matching slacks. After slipping on black suede Tayler D’Orsay pumps, I loaded my wallet and sunglasses and the hard copies of the adoption records Owen and Garrett had given me into my black Birkin.

  “You’re looking fancy.”

  “Is that bad?” I appraised myself in the vanity table mirror. “Is it too much?”

  “No way. You look beautiful—and like someone who could pay for her daughter’s college education.” He winked. “Don’t be afraid to use that for a bargaining chip.”

  “Aren’t you funny. Seriously, do I look okay? If I walked into your place of business and announced your kid was my kid, would you at least hear me out?”

  “Hell, yeah. And it’s not like these people don’t know this meeting might someday come. Plus, you’ve got all the right paperwork.”

  I nodded, but more than anything, wanted him to come along for the ride. My throat felt tight and achy, and I didn’t trust my stinging eyes not to spill tears.

  “Go,” he urged. “There’s no way Conner and Stacia, and especially, Fern, couldn’t love you.”

  —

  Nathan couldn’t have been more wrong. I hadn’t been in the room more than ten minutes when the meeting turned south. Instead of listening to Stacia’s speech about their sealed adoption, I found myself studying framed photos of who could only be my cherub-cheeked little girl. She not only had my long blond hair, but bright blue eyes and freckles. My question about her being a girly-girl was answered by the half-dozen shots of her decked out in sparkly princess attire.

  “Get out.” Stacia Holden pointed toward her office door. “I don’t know what kind of twisted prank you’re pulling, but what you’re doing is sick.”

  “Please excuse my wife.” Conner Holden wore a plastic smile I’m sure he reserved for his most difficult clients. “We tried many years for a child of our own, so understandably, our daughter’s adoption is a touchy matter.”

  “Of course.”

  “Conner,” Stacia railed, “get her out of here!”

  I allowed Fern’s father to lead me outside. Brilliant sun made a mockery of my grief.

  “I’m sorry for upsetting your wife,” I said. “All I’m asking is for the opportunity to play a small part in your daughter’s—our daughter’s—life. You don’t have to tell her I’m her birth mom. I could be a family friend. If that’s too much, just let me meet her. Give me five minutes, and you’ll never see me again.”

  He winced. “I’m afraid that’s not going to work. You saw Stacia’s reaction. She suffered four miscarriages before getting Fern. You can’t imagine the joy we felt knowing she was really and truly ours. So for you to now claim you’d like any part of her, well…”

  I squared my shoulders. “I’m happy for you—for all three of you. But you need to understand your happiness came at a price that I’ve paid. I thought I was all right without my daughter, but when her tenth birthday came and went, I felt so alone. Even then, it was my mother who initiated the process of finding Fern, but now that I know she’s not just out there somewhere in this great big world, but right here in Pine Shores where I could play dress-up and have tea parties with her and read bedtime stories—”

  “No.” I’d gone too far, and now, Fern’s father also frowned. “None of that will ever be possible. You signed your rights away, and now, your daughter is mine.”

  “How can you be so cruel?”

  “Me?” He summoned a choked laugh. “You saw what your mere presence did to my wife. For years, I assured her that her worst nightmare of having you show up would never come true. Now that it has, what am I supposed to tell her when she has nightmares about losing our little girl? How can I ever put that genie back in the bottle?”

  When I’d started this morning, I’d been sad my mother wasn’t with me for such a happy occasion, but now, I realized it was exactly this contingency that had silently urged me to leave her and her big heart safely at home.

  “You need to leave and never come back,” he said. “You need to forget you ever found us, or I can assure you, the legal fallout won’t be pretty.”

  Clearly, he had no idea who he was dealing with. In a snap, if I wanted, Liam and all of his infinite resources would help me crush this little man and his snippy wife, but to what end? “Is she happy?” I asked.

  “Fern? Of course. She’s everything to us, and she knows it.” He took out his phone to show me photographic proof. “Here’s her unicorn-themed birthday party. Here she is over the Fourth of July. My parents have a cabin up in the mountains, and she loves running and playing with their two Labs almost as much as she loves fishing with my dad. Here she is on the first day of school, and her dance recital. I could go on and on, but if you’re looking for her smile, you’ve already seen all you need to realize she’s happy. Why would you want to upset that cart?”

  I nodded. Though I hadn’t broken any ribs, I suddenly found it hard to breathe.

  “My wife doubts the validity of your claim, but I know it’s true. I recognize the documents and you. You’ve changed, but your eyes are the same as Fern’s. I have to ask, why bother us? Why not just have a new child to call your own?”

  He made it sound so simple. Poof! Have a child. Poof! Never again be alone. But nothing about creating your own family was easy. He, of all people, ought to know.

  Not wanting him to see me cry, I fumbled through my purse for sunglasses.

  “Thank you for your time.” I extended my hand.

  “That’s it?” He cocked his head. Suspicious about me doubling back to launch one more attack? “We won’t hear from you again?”

  “No.” I took a business card from my wallet, then handed it to him. “But please, consider allowing me to at least see Fern—even if it’s from a distance. I just…” I pressed my hand to my chest, wishing I knew the secret to calming my thundering heart. “It would comfort me to know for sure that she’s thriving.”

  He refused to take my card, so I let it flutter to the parking lot’s faded blacktop.

  I wanted to go off on the man, but the rational part of me realized unleashing my crazy would do nothing to further my cause. Instead, without saying another word, I climbed in my rental and didn’t allow tears to fall until I’d driven well out of his view.

  —

  “How did it go?” Nathan asked from bed when I got back to our room. He’d left the sliding door open, and the sun and gentle lapping surf worsened my funk. I wanted rain and wind and thunder. I wanted to smash glasses and kick walls and for the whole world to reflect my frustration.

  I couldn’t speak without falling apart, so I went to the closet for my suitcase. I had to get out of here. Nathan could stay as long as he wanted—I’d hire a nurse—but I had to go. I hadn’t felt this unwanted since high school, since Liam had sent me packing, since Nathan had initially told me he wasn’t interested. In my life, I’d been rejected too many times to count, but this pain’s blade cut deep.

  “I’m going to assume by your open suitcase that things didn’t go well?”

  “Things couldn’t have gone worse. On my way home, I called Liam, and he’s sending the jet. He wanted to come after us himself in his helicopter, but…” I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I knew this was stupid from the start. From the very first time my mother broached the subject of finding my daughter, I’d known deep down it was a horrible idea. I allowed myself to spin a fairy tale of me and my daughter and you and all three of us living happily ever after, but that’s never going to be, is it?”

  “Whoa…” He strained to push himself from the bed. Midway, he reached for his walking stick, which he’d leane
d against the nightstand. Using it for leverage, he was able to rise smoothly the rest of the way. “Slow down—at least long enough to tell me what happened.”

  I gave him the CliffsNotes version.

  “Babe…” He held out his arms to me, and even though I knew he’d hold me through any amount of pain, I couldn’t do that to him, so I walked away. “Really? You won’t let me hug you?”

  “I’d love a hug.” I took my delicates from the top dresser drawer to tuck into the suitcase’s side pocket. “But it would hurt you, so I’ll abstain.”

  “Fine. Whatever. But you said something a minute ago that I can’t let pass. I know you’re upset about Fern. That had to sting, but how do you know you and I will never be happy? What’s to stop us from getting married and having our own kids—not just one, but three or four?”

  “Quit it.” I couldn’t bear for him to be sweet when I felt so ugly inside. “You don’t mean that.”

  “The hell I don’t.” He hobbled his way to me. “Marry me. Tonight.”

  “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “I know you make me happier than any woman ever has. I know your face is the first thing I want to see every morning, and the last thing at night.”

  “Please don’t say that…” He didn’t mean it. He was only saying these things to be kind. Nobody wanted me—least of all my own daughter. I pitched clothes into the case faster and faster until Nathan stopped me by clasping my hands.

  “I asked you a question.”

  “A question you can’t mean. Everyone knows I’m damaged goods. My daughter’s better off without me, and so are you.”

  He settled his hands low on my hips, jerking me toward him with a pained grunt. “You’re acting crazy, and because of the shitty morning you had, I’m giving you a pass. But the second we get home, I’m using the cash I’ve saved to buy you a ring, and then we’re going to show it off to everyone we know. You and I are getting married. Fuck waiting for your answer. I love you, and I’m just going to tell you how it’s going to be.”

  “You love me?” I’d waited to hear those words for so long that I had a hard time believing them to be true.

  “I should have said it sooner, but yeah, Carol Moore, I freakin’ love you. I think I’ve loved you since that first day we were together at Ella and Liam’s wedding. There have been so many times I wanted to say it, but because of my job—or lack of a job—felt like I shouldn’t. But now? Screw it. You need to know that unlike your sicko teacher and Liam and any other guy who’s left you, you’re it for me. I love you, and adore you, and want you to be my wife. Yes?”

  Despite a thousand warning bells pealing in my head, I nodded. “Yes.”

  And then I kissed him. And when his knees nearly buckled from the pain, I helped him back onto the bed while I packed for us both. As soon as we got home, everything would be brighter. I’d ask Ella to be my matron of honor and whether Nathan liked it or not, Liam could be his best man. We would have a dreamy wedding—small and intimate, with only our closest friends.

  I took it as a sign that this incredible man had managed to transform the worst day of my life into the best. Nathan was my own private miracle. I didn’t deserve him, but I adored him, and I vowed to make him an absurdly pampered hubby.

  Chapter 23

  Nathan

  What the hell had I been thinking?

  Propped up in Liam’s bed on board Liam’s private jet, it occurred to me that pouring my heart out to Carol probably hadn’t been my wisest move. Don’t get me wrong—I’d meant every word, but I had no business marrying one woman when, for all practical purposes, I was owned by another. There was no telling how long it would be until I’d earn enough to get out from under Uma’s iron rule, and until then, how was I supposed to become a dutiful husband to Carol? She deserved all of me, and at the moment, I couldn’t in good conscience offer her even half.

  Before we married, I’d right my myriad of wrongs.

  I’d fucking make everything good or die trying.

  While Carol chatted it up with Stephanie, Liam’s own personal flight attendant, I tortured myself with trying to think of a logical way to be engaged to Carol, to marry Carol, without breaking her heart.

  If only I could explain that when I proposed, I’d been high on pain pills and her smile. That more than anything, I wanted her to be my wife, but now wasn’t the right time.

  The cabin door opened. “Hey, handsome. Need anything?”

  “Depends,” I teased as if all was right in my fucked-up world. “Is this a coffee, tea or me proposition, or just a standard Coke and sandwich offer?”

  She stepped fully into the cabin, closing and then locking the door. “I’ve always wanted to join the mile-high club, but you’re out of commission.”

  I groaned. “Come over here and let me see what I can do.”

  “I’ve got a better idea.” Before I could even process my next thought, she’d dropped to her knees alongside me and unzipped my fly.

  “Carol, what the…” She took me into her mouth, sucking long and hard while grabbing my balls, rendering me mute and incoherent. We’d only been engaged a few hours, yet her whole demeanor had changed. She’d somehow compartmentalized her pain over her daughter, walling it off as if our trek to Oregon had never happened. Back in her element, she’d become a new woman—not that I’d been opposed to the old one, but if more of this kind of attention was what I had to look forward to as an old married man, then sign me up.

  She worked me until I forgot my physical pain and worries about Uma and the mess that my lies had created. I closed my eyes and focused on pleasure. On how good not just this act felt, but so many more to come.

  Suddenly, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. “Babe…Hold up…You’re killing me.”

  She plucked a cloth napkin from the nut tray Stephanie had brought when we’d first boarded, and finished with me shooting my load into the pricey linen.

  “Better?” she asked when I caught my breath. Lord, she was beautiful—everything I’d ever wanted in a woman.

  “Fantastic. Thanks. That was a nice surprise.” I pulled her into a kiss. The effort hurt, but she was worth it. With her close, I slipped her blouse from her waistband to cop a quick feel. “How about you take off your pants so I can return the favor?”

  “While I appreciate the offer,” she backed away to duck into the head, “you need to rest. We’ll be landing soon, and while I’ll try not to hit many potholes, there’s no way around it—the long ride from the airport to my place is going to suck.”

  —

  She hadn’t been kidding. Pain pills and her BJ had lulled me into a false sense of comfort, but by the time we’d reached the outskirts of the city, my chest was screaming. By the time we’d reached her condo, I was gritting my teeth to keep from passing out.

  Carol helped me into her bed, and I didn’t wake until morning, when she hovered over me with a look that read more worried mother than fiancée. She said, “Good morning. Ready for breakfast and your meds?”

  “Morning.” I managed to arch up for a kiss. “I’d rather have more of what you served yesterday.”

  “I’m sure you would, but I promised Liam I’d be in today to help with one of his pet projects. Last night, I found a nursing service and hired Nurse Theresa. She should be here in an hour. Until then, you’ve got coffee, oatmeal, a banana, the newspaper, the remote and your cellphone and pain pills on the tray. Can you think of anything else you might need?”

  “You. Are you sure you have to go?”

  “Yes.” Her goodbye kiss left me hard and horny—and pissed that Liam was taking her from me. I’d sucked it up when she’d insisted we get home on the billionaire’s ride, but did she have to return to work so soon? My demons reminded me that she happened to be our family’s sole breadwinner, which did nothing for my sagging pride.

  With her gone, I ate the simple but delicious meal she’d prepared, then popped a couple of pills, hoping to dull my ris
ing storm of worry. My head felt foggy. I should have told Carol the last thing I needed was a nurse, but I hadn’t been able to verbalize the thought before she’d left.

  I’d dozed off when I heard the front door open and close. Nurse Theresa?

  High heels clacked across the hardwood floor. Carol?

  I grit my teeth while pushing myself higher in the bed. Whichever woman approached the bedroom, I was done looking like an invalid—especially if it was my future wife. She needed to know her husband was strong and capable and able to take care of her, instead of the other way around.

  “Don’t you look cozy?” Uma, dressed in a naughty nurse costume complete with hooker heels and a flirty cap, straddled the room’s double doorway, bracing her hands against the door jamb. “My feelings were hurt when you left town without telling me, but now that you’re back, I’m sure I’ll find something for you to do.”

  “Bitch.” I bolted upright for real—not caring how much the sudden movement hurt.

  “Tsk, tsk…” She had the nerve to wag her finger at me. “I didn’t teach you to be so rude to the kinder, gentler sex.”

  Fists clenched, I said, “There’s nothing kind or gentle about you.”

  “You’re hurting my feelings.” She climbed onto the foot of the bed, striking a seductive pose. “Especially, when I’m here to offer you an olive branch.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Such language…” She shook her head. “I might have to spank you with my olive branch.”

  “Go to hell—and take whatever bugs and hidden cameras you planted along for the ride.”

  “Aw, that wouldn’t be any fun. I’ve always been a bit of a closet voyeur. Your Oregon adventure was great fun. And that night when an associate and I toyed with Carol was hot.”

  That’s it…I lunged for her, but lurched back in pain. The phones. She’d bugged both of our phones. “Ever mess with her again, and I’ll fucking kill you.”

  “Violence and foul language?” She sighed. “I might have to retract my generous offer.”

  “Please do. You go your way, I’ll go mine. Take your fucking phone with you.” I plucked mine from the nightstand and pitched it across the room, where it shattered against the wall.