Marrying the Marshal Read online

  “Uh-huh.” Beau shoved his piece into his shoulder holster, then pulled on a leather jacket. “So how much longer this gig expected to last?”

  “The judge and Cal will need protecting at least through the sentencing phase of the trial. After that, I’m hoping Francis and his gang will back off—not that there can be many of them left.”

  “Yeah, you thought that the last time they hit.”

  Sighing, palm permanently clamped to his throbbing forehead, Caleb said, “Do me a favor?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Get lost.”

  Used to his older brother’s caustic flair, usually brought on by Allie, Beau shot him a grin. “Will do, big bro. Catch you on the flipside.”

  Caleb closed his eyes and groaned.

  “ALLIE,” Gillian said on the phone three days later. “Believe me, it’s not the money I’m upset about, but you. You’re not thinking clearly.”

  “Yes,” Allie said, staring out her office window at the gloom. If Beau came in and caught her with her shades up, there’d be hell to pay, but at the moment, she really couldn’t imagine a chewing out making her feel much worse. Since Caleb had left, a low-level queasiness seemed to have taken hold. Apparently, she was destined to feel wretched for the rest of her life. “I’ve never thought clearer. In fact, the point where I should’ve been concerned about being off my rocker was when I told Caleb I’d marry him in the first place. Dumb. Spectacularly stupid.”

  Gillian sighed. “Because you’re clearly not yourself, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

  “Pretend all you want,” Allie said. “But Caleb and I are finished as a couple.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Yep.”

  “What about Thanksgiving?” Gillian asked. “You two seemed so in love.”

  “An illusion brought on by too much rich food and your indescribably beautiful house.”

  “It is awfully pretty, isn’t it? Did I mention Joe hired a contractor to put in a small bowling alley? Just a small one. Three or four lanes at the most. But back to you, Allie. I seriously think you ought to reconsider backing out of this wedding. Shania was all set to come—though I made her promise not to flash her gorgeous eyes at either of our men—although Adam and Beau are both still available. Not that any sane woman would want them, but that’s a whole other issue—”

  “Gillian,” Allie firmly said. “I’ve got to go.”

  “No,” Caleb’s sister said, perfectly picking up on Allie’s deeper meaning. That once again she had to escape an impossible situation—even if it was only accomplished by shutting off her heart. “Allie, you don’t have to go anywhere, ever again. Honey, don’t you get it? You’re home.”

  Despite being seated in her big judge’s chair behind her big judge’s desk, despite her insanely tight grip on the phone, a tremor shook through Allie. Low and deep and terrifying. Yes, she thought, making a bumbling goodbye, because of past mistakes and an uncertain future she couldn’t even begin to navigate, she was now and forever alone. But at least her son wasn’t.

  SATURDAY WAS far too beautiful for it be early December in Oregon—at least as far as the weather was concerned. As for inside Allie’s head, it felt snowy and ten degrees.

  During the past two weeks, not a peep had been heard out of Francis or any of his men, who were now locked up with him. In fact, so many of Francis’s buddies had been jailed, that, pending their own trials, they’d had to be transferred to neighboring counties due to a shortage of cells.

  Because there couldn’t possibly be more of Francis’s following still at large, Allie stood at the upstairs hall window with the curtains wide open, staring out at Caleb and Vince as they bundled Cal into Caleb’s black SUV.

  Vince stooped to tickle Cal, and for the first time since Caleb had left, he squealed with laughter.

  It was good hearing him laugh.

  For him, it would be a great day spent at the petting farm, finally picking out that rooster he’d been carrying on about.

  Allie hugged herself, wondering for the umpteenth time just what she was trying to accomplish by staying away from Caleb?

  Squeezing her eyes shut, she imagined the feel of him holding her. Being inside her. Telling her he loved her. She imagined him wrestling, laughing with their son. The questions of whether or not he’d be a good dad or husband were gone.

  He’d already proven himself awesome at both.

  Leaving the only real question the cruelest one. If she abandoned herself to loving him, what if, like her father, she lost him? What would she do? How would she ever go on, knowing she had to not only deal with her own grief, but Cal’s?

  She clutched her still queasy stomach.

  The back door opened. “Allie?”

  Just hearing Caleb’s voice stopped her heart. “I’m upstairs,” she said.

  “Close the drapes and step away from the window.”

  With her back to him, brushing silent tears, she did as she’d been told.

  “Dammit, Allie, how many times do I have to tell you these guys play for keeps? We can’t protect you if you’re just standing there like the perfect target.”

  “Okay, okay, I get it.” Blindly descending the stairs, she nodded. “Please, quit yelling at me.”

  “I’m not even kind of yelling,” he calmly said, catching her with cool, professional detachment when she stumbled on the last step.

  Just that brief touch was all it took to bring her well of sorrow crushing back.

  “Beau and Adam are heading up your team here at the house,” he said. “Bear’s leading Cal’s team.”

  “Wh-why not you?” she asked. He’s always been safe with you.

  He sighed. “I’m here just as a dad, Al. Give me a few more seconds and I’ll be out of your hair—just as you requested.”

  “Caleb, please, you’re twisting my words.”

  “Save it. Save your tear buckets, too. As far as I’m concerned, you don’t even exist.”

  That stole not only what was left of her crazy hope that they might at least be friends, but also her breath.

  Didn’t even exist?

  Could he truly be that cold?

  “Only reason I’m even in here,” he said, “is to give my son’s mother his agenda. On it are planned lunch and petting farm times. Assume a slight margin of error for unexpected bathroom stops and the like.” He set the stark white paper on the black granite counter.

  She glanced at it. At the military times. The typed names, addresses and phone numbers of Zippy’s Pizza Circus and Ye Olde Petting Farm. This sheet couldn’t be a product of the warmhearted man she loved. The Caleb she knew could never be this detached and impersonal. “Th-thank you.”

  Catching her with his precious sage green stare, he nodded, then headed out the back door.

  “What have I done?” she whispered, staggering into a table chair.

  She’d told Caleb she wouldn’t marry him in some childish attempt to protect herself, but the fact of the matter was that she’d already lost her heart. And seeing him now, like this, every weekend and holiday, having him so close, yet indescribably far away…

  In ways, wouldn’t the pain be even more keen than losing him to—oh God, she couldn’t even think it.

  Wouldn’t think it.

  Raising the blinds over the kitchen sink, she watched the men she loved pull out of the drive, setting off on a fun day without her, picking out a rooster and hen without her. Laughing and loving and living without her.

  Cradling her forehead in her hands, she laughed through more tears. What exactly were Beau and the other members of her team trying to protect? Because without Caleb in her life, she was no longer a flesh and blood woman, but an empty shell.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “You all right?” Caleb’s father asked, joining Allie beside the fire. Caleb and Cal were out back, setting up the coop. It’d started to rain, and Vince had come inside, asking her to make a pot of coffee.

  Gri
pping her mug tighter, she nodded. “I’m, um, just fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Pretending she was on the bench, forced to maintain a professional demeanor, she flashed the sweet man a smile. For if she paused for one second to think of Vince as the man who could’ve been her second father—too late, her smile faded and hot tears stung her eyes.

  “Come here,” he said, hand on the small of her back, gently guiding her to one of the lounge chairs. “I want to tell you a story.”

  Unable to speak, she nodded, cradling her coffee, angling in her chair to face him.

  “My wife, the boys’ and Gillian’s momma, was one helluva woman. Helen made pot roast and gravy the likes of which made you sit up and sing. And her pies…” His face shone with a bittersweet smile. “Don’t get me started. And Lord, the woman loved her babies. I never saw any woman as protective over her kin—at least until I met you.” He sipped his coffee.

  “Sounds like you still miss her,” Allie softly said.

  “That I do. She was my best friend. But…” He shrugged. “Sometimes life deals crappy blows. I had to go on. Had four kids to raise, and if I’d done a bad job, Helen would’ve come back from the grave to wallop me good.”

  They both laughed.

  “After me,” Vince said, “I’d hazard a guess Gillian took her momma dying the hardest.” He shook his head. “I don’t know, could be I’m wrong. Grief’s not the sort of thing you can assign numbers to. Figures and caseloads—those I was always real good at, but the touchy-feely stuff?” He chuckled. “Not my cup of tea. Anyway,” he said with a deep breath, “all I was trying to get at in a not very direct way is that Caleb told me you don’t want to marry him because you’re afraid your whole lives are going to turn into one, big shoot-out, but honey….”

  Caleb told his father her concerns? “My fears were personal,” Allie said. “He should’ve never—”

  “Whoa,” Vince said. “Hold it right there. Us Logues—we’re a family. One that if you had a lick of sense in that pretty head of yours, you’d soon be a legal part of. Technically, you’re already one of us, but we’d just as soon make it official. As a family, we share what ails us, and Allie, my son is ailing over you. He has been for a long, long time. Now, I’m not one for digging up old bones, but my Helen spent an awful lot of time praying over my safety every time I went off to work, and apparently too little time praying for herself. While she was all busy, worrying herself about me being shot, she went and had a heart attack. My point is, you just can’t tell what life’s liable to bring. It’s not like a light bulb or TV set. Doesn’t come with a guarantee. All you can do is take what bits of happiness the good Lord gives you, and try to contend best you can with the rest.”

  “MOM, MOM!” Muddy and wet and obviously happy, Cal burst through the back door. “You’ve gotta come outside and see my rooster! Herbert’s cool. And we got him some friends, too!”

  Vince was in the den watching football, leaving Allie alone with her men.

  “Cal,” Caleb said, shutting the door behind them. “It’s pretty nasty out. How about you get in the tub and your mom meets Herbert in the morning?”

  “Th-that’s okay,” Allie said, hungry for more time with Caleb—no matter how awkward or unpleasant due to weather or his not wanting to be with her. “I don’t mind getting wet.”

  “I do,” Caleb said, fixing her with his new brand of icy stare. “Cal, seriously, bud, get those shoes off and head on up to the tub. You’re starting to smell like a rooster.”

  “Are you and Grandpa spending the night?” Cal asked. “Smells like Mom’s making Great-Grandma Beatrice’s spaghetti.”

  “Sorry,” Caleb said. “But I’ve got to be at work in the morning, and it’s a long drive back to Portland.”

  “I thought you were going to work here?” Cal asked. “So why can’t you now?”

  A muscle twitched in Caleb’s jaw.

  Allie felt dangerously close to retching—even more so than usual.

  Why didn’t Caleb work here? Because she didn’t want him to. Because, as usual, she was messing things up.

  “Long story,” Caleb said with an even longer sigh. “Come here,” he pulled their boy into a fierce hug. “You know how much I love you, right?”

  Cal nodded against Caleb’s belly. “I love you, too.”

  “Cool. Then that means we’re still on for next weekend?”

  “Yeah,” Cal said. “But how come you can’t come back sooner? I’ll miss you till then. What if something happens at school and I have to talk to you?”

  “Well,” Caleb said. “You can always talk to your mom, or call me. You’ve got all my numbers, right?”

  “Yeah, but…” Cal’s voice was small. “Please don’t go, Dad. Just stay for Great-Grandma Beatrice’s spaghetti. It’s your favorite.”

  The watery-eyed glance Caleb shot her was Allie’s undoing. What was wrong with her? Why wasn’t she also begging him to stay?

  “Sorry, dude. As good as it sounds, I’m afraid time out for spaghetti just isn’t on my agenda.”

  “Okay,” Cal said, hanging his head.

  “No being sad,” Caleb said. “Now, take off your shoes and run and say bye to Grandpa, then hop in the tub.”

  When Cal had gone, Allie approached Caleb, started to speak, but he held up his hands in the universal sign of “back off.”

  “There’s not a thing you could do or say to fix this, Allie. Don’t waste your breath trying.”

  “But all I was going to—”

  Cal was back with Vince in tow. Beau and Adam had also appeared.

  While Vince and Adam horsed around with Cal, Beau and Caleb talked too quietly for her to hear off in the shadowy corner near the door. Were they discussing her safety? Or as Caleb no doubt saw it, her treachery?

  Before she could ask, Vince and Caleb made their goodbyes, Adam and Beau trailing after them.

  Cal headed upstairs for his bath, and she was once again alone—a place she was becoming all too painfully familiar with.

  MONDAY MORNING, while Cal was upstairs getting ready for school, Allie stood at the kitchen counter, fixing oatmeal. Seeing how since she hadn’t slept even half a wink, she was already dressed for work and made Caleb’s favorite breakfast the old-fashioned way. Boiling it, then loading it with both brown sugar and white, butter, milk and raisins.

  My mom made the best oatmeal. Loaded it with all the sinful good stuff. Lots of sugar and butter. Got me all good and warm before heading off to school. Mom was great about that kind of stuff. The colder the morning, the bigger her breakfasts.

  Clutching the counter’s edge, gasping on a sudden racking sob, the full impact of what she’d done, what she was currently missing, hit her head-on.

  Caleb was chuckling over some fond memory of his mom all the time. Just yesterday, Vince had reminisced about his wife. How much less full would both of their lives been without Helen’s even brief time in it?

  Allie knew then and there she was a fool.

  But no more.

  Jogging up the stairs, heart racing with excitement over her plan, she burst into Cal’s bathroom at a dead run.

  Out of breath, but smiling, she said, “Hurry, baby. I’m going to drop you off at school, then go get your dad. We have a wedding to plan and not a lot of time to do it.”

  “For real?” Cal asked, mouth foaming with toothpaste. “And then Dad’s going to be here all the time?”

  She nodded. “And let’s get him a horse. Remember how he’s always wanted a horse?”

  “Mom?” Cal asked after rinsing his mouth. “You okay?”

  “Oh, baby,” she said, wrapping him in a big hug. “I’m better than okay. I’m fan-freakin’-tastic.”

  “Geez, Mom, you sound just like Billy.”

  “Yeah, well—” she ruffled his hair “—I feel a thousand times better. Come on, get dressed. Let’s go. If we hurry, I should be able to get your dad back here in time to pick you up from school.”

  “Awesome!” He dried his mo
uth on a towel, then tossed it on the floor. And Allie was so happy, she didn’t even care.

  Bring on the mess.

  Bring on the clutter.

  Bring on the joy.

  “But, Mom,” Cal said from his room, T-shirt over his head. “What about Adam and Beau and the rest of the guys? Won’t they be mad if we just sneak out?”

  “Nah. Besides. I think any chance of danger is long gone by now, don’t you?”

  “Yeah. Let’s go and be real sneaky. That way, Uncle Beau and Adam can be surprised, too.”

  AFTER MAKING a quick call to her neighbor and good friend Margaret, Cal and Allie stood waiting to get into Margaret’s trusty forest-green Volvo.

  “I’m happy to loan you the car,” Margaret said, still in her robe and slippers. “But do you think leaving without your security detail is a good idea?”

  Allie waved off her friend’s concern. “I desperately want this day to be all about me and Caleb. Not his brothers and all their skulking friends. Besides, Cal and I will be fine. Francis and his thugs are safely behind bars. I don’t even know why the government is still wasting money on having me and Cal protected.”

  “Maybe because you’re worth protecting,” Margaret said.

  Allie gave her one last hug, made sure Cal had his seat belt on, then headed off for the best day of her life-at least until her wedding day!

  “BE SURE AND BRING Dad back,” Cal said in front of Byrd Elementary, half in and half out of the car. “I want him to see how much Herbert has grown.”

  “Okay,” Allie said, giving him a hug and kiss.

  “Mom, stop kissin’ me!” he complained, making an awful face. “Want somebody to see?”

  “Oh, of course not,” Allie said with a laugh. “Wouldn’t want that. Want anything special for dinner in case your dad and I get back in time to shop?”

  “Ice cream? And get lots in case Uncle Adam eats it all.”

  “Yum. Sounds good to me.”

  “Hey, Cal! Catch!” A football slammed into the passenger-side backseat window.

  Allie jumped, put her hand to her chest.

  “Sorry, Mom,” Cal said, scrambling after the ball. “That was Billy. He doesn’t have a very good throwing arm.”