Be My Valentine, Baby (SEAL Team: Holiday Heroes Book 3) Page 5

  And he grew tired of waiting for her to figure it out?

  “These two lugs,” Brody said, “are my former SEAL teammates and now business partners. Patrick and Hawk—not his real name, but it’s been so long since we used it, his nickname kinda stuck. Somewhere around here is—”

  “Wait…” Jenny’s heart pounded. “I know you… I know you!” Jenny was so thrilled to find a familiar face that in her rush to hug Hawk, she spilled her sparkling cider. Hawk was her boyfriend. A dark-haired, dark-eyed thrill-seeker with a penchant for going fast and hard in all things from driving his vintage Porsche to…

  Her cheeks blazed when remembering other, infinitely more private activities at which he’d excelled.

  Not thinking, just doing, she kissed him full on his lips, twining her arms around his neck. “I’ve felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. But now I remember everything. Thank goodness, I found you. We can get back to surfing lessons and this time, I promise not to chicken out when—”

  “Whoa…” Hawk gently, yet firmly extricated himself from her hold. “It’s been a while since we kissed. Don’t you remember? How you dumped me for this guy?”

  Tanner strolled up just in time to witness her shame. And unfathomable disappointment. Just when she’d believed her life again made sense, reality tumbled further from her grasp.

  “Hawk…” He shook her apparently former boyfriend’s hand. “Long time, no see. I’d heard you retired and were now working with Brody.”

  “It’s been crazy busy.” He glanced from Tanner to Jenny. “Brody’s had me leading back country climbing treks. I’m pretty psyched about getting paid to have fun.”

  “I’m sure.”

  Jenny’s throat ached from the effort of holding back tears. From the tension of all eyes on her as she realized the gravity of what she’d just done in kissing another man who not only wasn’t her boyfriend, but her husband or baby’s father. Messy didn’t begin to describe the tangled mess in her heart.

  She wanted to be kissed and held and adored. All of those sensations were so clear with Hawk. Why weren’t they with Tanner? What was she missing?

  “Speaking of which…” Hawk hitched his thumb toward the door. “I’ve got a party heading out early tomorrow. I should drop by the lodge to make sure they’ve settled in okay.”

  “Don’t leave,” Jenny said, but then covered her mouth with her hands when she realized she’d spoken her heartfelt plea out load. Take me with you!

  Hawk looked from her to Tanner.

  The two men seemed to speak without saying a word.

  “Hawk…” As if his next words would cost his soul, Tanner slowly exhaled. “Would you mind doing me a favor and taking Jenny with you to the lodge? I’d appreciate you catching her up to speed on current events.”

  “Um…” More shared looks.

  More tension when the group held their collective breaths.

  “Sure, man. It would be my pleasure. Jenny? Are you okay with that?”

  Nibbling her lower lip, she nodded.

  “Text when you’re ready,” Tanner said. “I’ll pick you up.”

  Jenny should have been thrilled, so why did she feel torn?

  “ARE YOU SURE that was a wise decision?” Colby scowled.

  Brody stood on Tanner’s opposite side wearing an equally glum expression.

  “Hawk’s a SEAL brother,” Brody said. “I never would have brought him into our circle if I believed otherwise. Trust me, he’ll remind Jenny of the current score.”

  “Hon,” Lilianna crossed her arms. “Don’t you think Tanner should know—”

  “Tanner knows all he needs. Neither Hawk nor Jenny would knowingly hurt him.”

  Head bowed, Tanner pressed the heels of his hands to his forehead.

  Honestly? Back in the hospital, when he’d first heard Hawk was back in his life, he’d feared this very thing. Ultimately, when it came to him and Jenny’s relationship, Hawk’s wild streak had been his biggest attractor and detractor. Jenny hated that her former fling had lived life too close to the edge. At a moment’s notice, he’d be up for diving with great whites or illegal drag racing. He needed the rush. She needed security. Their flame snuffed mere months after starting.

  But apparently, that brief rush of excitement meant more to her than their six dull years of marriage. Maybe Tanner was stupid for fighting the attraction? Even back then, maybe he should have stayed out of it when she’d asked him for advice on taming Hawk. He’d told her it would never happen—not to be cruel, but because he’d seen the devil in too many other SEALs not to recognize the fact that fast and loose might be a way of life, but it wasn’t a way to stay alive.

  Typically, it was sooner than later when the devil snatched them home.

  He’d told a teary-eyed Jenny the same.

  After she’d ended things with Hawk, she’d started bringing Tanner day-old baked goods from the holistic bakery and yoga center she helped her sister run. He’d taken a few classes—not because he gave a shit about yoga or health food, but because he couldn’t get enough of Jenny.

  Hawk had given his blessing, and that was that.

  On a Valentine’s Day dinner date complete with strawberries and champagne and a red velvet, heart-shaped box of chocolates and a diamond solitaire, he’d asked her to be his wife and she’d accepted. They’d married on V-Day a year later.

  “She looked lost,” Lilianna said.

  Rose wandered up. “We’ll just have to find her.”

  “I’m not sure if it’s possible.” Tanner looked up to find himself surrounded by friends. “If she wants Hawk—”

  “Stop.” Hands on her hips, Rose said, “No woman in her right mind wants Hawk for anything other than a hot roll between the—”

  “Yeah, let’s kill that thought.” Colby’s gaze narrowed. “All present know Hawk’s reputation as a lady’s man, but Tanner, he’s not husband or father material. You are.”

  “Right.” He laughed. “Which is why Jenny was divorcing me. Face it, I’m as boring as a box of bricks.”

  “No…” Lilianna cleared her throat. “According to Jenny, you were so focused on your career that you paid zero attention to her.”

  “That’s B.S. I was working to put a roof over our heads and keep her in scrapbooking supplies.”

  “Okay, well.” Lilianna sighed. “I understand, but she didn’t. What I’m guessing you viewed as a protective streak toward her, she viewed as controlling. You wouldn’t even let her go for a jog by herself.”

  “Have you missed the memo about our growing bear population? And don’t get me started on the moose. Henry damn near got plowed down by one last summer while he was weeding his garden. This is a dangerous town.”

  “He makes a valid point,” Brody said.

  Colby nodded.

  Rose rolled her eyes. “Bottom line, you and Jenny fell out of love, but with the baby coming, before the fire, everything was getting better. Things can get better again. You just have to be patient.”

  Easier said than done.

  He’d been patient with his recovery. Patient in waiting to see his wife. Patient in getting her to come home. But he’d be damned if he’d patiently sit by while Jenny kissed some other dude in front of everyone they knew.

  If she wanted Hawk, she could damn well have him. Tanner was tired of trying.

  Chapter Nine

  “WOMAN, DO YOU have any idea what a shitstorm you’ve just caused?”

  Jenny winced when Hawk slammed her door on his black Hummer, then rounded the front to climb behind the wheel.

  “Tanner was fifty shades of pissed. You’re his property. What you and I shared is long behind us and as far as I’m concerned, you chose the better man.”

  He started the engine, thrusting the powerful vehicle backwards, then gunning it forward.

  “How can you say that? First, I’m not any man’s property. And second, it feels like just a few days ago when you kissed me and promised I was—”

  “No!�
�� He slammed the heel of his hand against the wheel. “That wasn’t days ago, Jenny, but months—I mean, years. Another fact you’ve conveniently forgotten is that right after my pretty speech, I stood you up for a date because La Jolla had twenty-foot swells. The next time you planned a special night, I missed it because I’d zoned out while working on my car. It’s not that I didn’t have a thing for you. I just focused on my own needs more. What you and I shared was never more than hot sex. You and Tanner were always the real deal.”

  “Let me out.” Jenny clenched the passenger door’s handle.

  “I told Tanner I’m taking you to the lodge, and that’s where you’re going.”

  “Why are you being cruel?”

  “I’m being real.” He turned from the side road onto the town’s main road. It was the start of tourist season and as they drove alongside the lake where Colby landed his plane, the lakeside trail hummed with bike riders and couples holding hands. Smiling parents, watching toddlers run ahead. Everyone belonged except her. She thought finding Hawk meant finding her true home, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Or more confused.

  How could her time with him seem more real, more vivid, than the years she’d spent with her husband?

  Hawk said, “I’m sorry, okay?”

  Hugging herself, she nodded.

  “Tanner adores you. What he lacks in presentation, he more than makes up for in being a stand-up guy. With him, you will never be stood-up or worry that you come second to anything or anyone else.”

  “But I don’t know him!” Angling on the seat to face the man she’d thought was her boyfriend, she said, “Back at the party, I didn’t know anyone besides you. Do you have any idea how confusing that is? How terrifying? When I found you, it felt effortless—like slipping into my favorite hoodie or listening to my favorite song. With Tanner, everyone tells me I loved him enough to marry him and have his baby, but if that’s true, why can’t I feel it?” She pressed her hand to her thundering heart. “What’s wrong with me?”

  He’d pulled the Hummer into a parking space at the lakeside trailhead, then killed the engine.

  After unbuckling his seatbelt, he did the same to hers, and then drew her against him for a hug. “Let’s get one thing straight—there’s not a damned thing wrong with you.”

  She’d have expected herself to feel more comfortable in Hawk’s hold as she had beside the iris-filled marsh with Tanner, but it didn’t feel right at all. Why? Could her heart finally be telling her something her mind didn’t yet know?

  Jenny pushed back. “Thank you for taking me with you, but I think I’m ready for Tanner to come get me.”

  “Sure?”

  She nodded.

  “I’ll let him know…” While Hawk texted her husband, Jenny peered out the car window, longingly wishing she didn’t feel like an outsider to her own life. In a way, like all the happy people on the trail, she was just visiting. Only her return ticket wasn’t merely open-ended, but blank.

  And far from being happy, all she wanted to do was cry…

  TANNER HAD PREPARED himself for the news that Jenny chose Hawk over him. When he received the text from his old rival not thirty minutes after they’d left, he was shocked, but not especially hopeful this was a win.

  On the short drive to the lakeside park, he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to say. What was proper etiquette on your wife taking off with her former boyfriend?

  He pulled into the lot, stopping alongside Hawk’s massive rig. He always had been a showboat. But when push came to shove, Tanner had trusted him under enemy fire, which meant he had no choice but to trust him now, right?

  When it came to leaving the infamous ladies’ man alone with his wife?

  No.

  He found Jenny and Hawk seated atop a concrete picnic table at the glassy lake’s edge.

  “Hey,” he said on his approach.

  “I’m sorry about party what happened kiss.” She covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head.

  “Are we cool?” Hawk pushed himself off the table to stand beside it.

  “Yeah,” Tanner shook his SEAL brother’s extended hand. “Thanks for getting Jen out of that party. It was probably too much, too soon.”

  “No problem. Glad to help.” He waved to Jenny, then doubled back, ambushing her in a hug. “Think about what I said. Tanner will not only be a great husband to you, but a great dad.” Hawk nodded to Tanner, then jogged toward his ride. “Catch you later, man.”

  “Strange night, huh?” Tanner took Hawk’s vacated seat atop the table.

  Rather than respond, she drew her lower lip into her mouth.

  In the day’s fading light, her pale complexion appeared ethereal, her slumped posture fragile and defeated. His heart ached for her. But he also ached for himself.

  Where did that leave them?

  “I’m tired,” he said.

  “We should leave. Go to sleep.”

  “Not that kind of tired.” He rubbed his palm over his stubble-covered jaw. “I can’t do this. I thought I could—wait for you to remember who we are. But I’m exhausted. There were all those days we spent in Anchorage, and then San Diego, and if during all of that time you didn’t see a glimpse of the reason why we fell in love, then I’m prepared to let you go. We’ll work out a custody arrangement. It’s not ideal, but…” His chest ached from giving voice to his soul’s pain.

  “Is that what you want? For me to go back to my parents?”

  Shrugging, he said, “It’s not what I want, but maybe for you, it’s what’s right.”

  He wanted her to fight him. To shout and rail in protest.

  But she remained quiet and so did he. What was she thinking? Would he ever know?

  Was he strong enough to want to know?

  Forty minutes later, they’d returned to the house that didn’t remotely feel like home. She went directly from the garage to her bedroom. He made a ham sandwich in the kitchen that still smelled like smoke, then found an old Jackie Chan movie on Netflix.

  There’d be plenty of time to figure out flight arrangements in the morning. For now, he needed to chill. To remind himself that he’d had a full life before meeting Jenny and would someday be happy once she was gone. He’d spend equal time raising their baby and given enough space, whether she accepted him as her husband or not he’d learn to not care.

  Time. Space. All he needed to accept their impossible situation.

  He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against sofa, abandoning himself to exhaustion. He’d drifted into welcome sleep when he heard her. Unsure if he was dreaming, he ignored the soft familiarity of her saying his name.

  “Tanner?” She sat beside him, touching his hand.

  That’s when he knew she was real enough for him to open his eyes.

  “Tanner, I have a question for you.”

  Hand to God, if she asked him to have Colby fly her out tonight, he’d lose his—

  “H-Hawk, well…” Head bowed, she said, “He hugged me, but I liked your hug—next to the irises—better.” Faintly smiling, she cocked her head. “I thought that was significant. And if you don’t mind, I think I might like to stay. You know, just to see what that might mean—the fact that I’d rather have you comfort me than him.”

  Hope swelled deep inside him, but the part of Tanner that had gotten his hopes up too many times before refused to fully abandon himself to what may only be Jenny’s folly.

  “Another thing I’d like,” she said barely loud enough for him to hear, “is for you to take me to the house we once shared—or, at least what’s left of it.”

  “It’s just a grassy lot.”

  “That’s okay. I think it’s important for me to see it.”

  “We’ll go first thing in the morning.”

  “Another thing I wondered—do you think Rose and Lilianna might have more pictures of us together—besides the one that was on the cake?”

  “I’m sure they do. Want me to pick them up?”

  She shoo
k her head. “I think I’d like best if they showed me. And shared stories.”

  “We can do that, too.”

  “Thank you.” As if they’d completed a formal business meeting as opposed to a conversation between a man and wife, she abruptly left the sofa to veer toward the kitchen. “I’m hungry. Would you like to share an omelet?”

  “Yes, please.” It didn’t matter that he was still full from his earlier ham sandwich. The only thing that mattered was that Jenny was trying to meet him halfway. The least he could do was return the favor.

  Chapter Ten

  “THIS IS IT. But like I said, there’s not much to see.”

  Once Tanner pulled his SUV alongside the empty lot that had held her home, Jenny removed her seatbelt and opened the door. “Walk me through it. I want to know everything. Where the front door was and the living room. The kitchen and our bedroom.”

  He took her hand, walking her the thirty feet where their sidewalk had once been. “This was our front porch. You always wanted a swing. I promised you one for your last birthday, but I ended up going on a rescue for a trout fishing party. Their plane went down a hundred miles north of here. It was a bitch getting to them, but Colby, Brody and I did it. Our friend, Sergei, too.”

  “I’m glad you found the fishermen and they were unharmed, but did you do that often?”

  “What? Leave on rescue missions? Of course. That’s my job—or, it was.”

  “That’s not what I mean. When Hawk and I talked, he said there were lots of times when he stood me up for our dates. He said you were the kind of man who would always put me first, but sounds like that’s not entirely true?”

  He grimaced. While he appreciated Hawk’s glowing review, those words were impossible to live up to. His friend should have known that.