Be My Valentine, Baby (SEAL Team: Holiday Heroes Book 3) Read online

  “Tanner?”

  “You are always first in my heart, but I’ve dedicated my entire adult life to helping others. If it seemed as if I didn’t spend as much time with you as I would have liked, you have to believe it was never personal.”

  “But did you ever think that for me it was? I don’t think I’d marry lightly. I also don’t think I’d casually divorce. There had to be reasons.”

  “There were. The time thing was a huge issue—never enough. But there were other factors. You hated Alaska. You missed your parents and sister. My whole life is here, yours is there. We never did reach a compromise.”

  “I understand.”

  They stood there in awkward silence. Their broken past built a wall between them.

  Tanner was relieved when she said, “Show me more of our house.”

  He stepped past what would have been their entry hall, and then living room. “The TV was here. We had bookcases on either side. You took weeks making beige book covers. You learned calligraphy to write the titles and authors on the spines. At the time, I thought you were crazy, but in the end, it looked cool. Clean and neat. I never told you, and I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” A smile tickled her lips. “Just last month I saw a project like that in a decorating magazine. I tried getting my sister to do it, but she said I was nuts.”

  They shared a laugh. And the air suddenly felt easier to breathe.

  “Through here was the kitchen. We always talked about getting new appliances. The ones we had were crap. The electric stove was powder blue. It matched the hall toilet.”

  “No way?”

  “I kid you not. But we did use both to negotiate a couple grand off the asking price.”

  “Nice.”

  “Down this hall was our guest room, but you used it for crafts. Remind me when we get back to the house to help you order whatever you want online.”

  “I will. That sounds fun.”

  “Our master bedroom and bath were here. The bed was on this wall. I’d just bought you a rocker I picked up at a yard sale for when you had the baby. The bathroom is where…” He couldn’t bring himself to relive the horror.

  “Mom and Dad told me I fell and hit my head on the tub. If it hadn’t been for you, I’d have died of smoke inhalation or worse. They said you were burned because you took too much time saving me.”

  “The way I see it, it’s not like I had a lot of options.”

  “Did we have pets?”

  “No. Not even a goldfish. My friend Sergei’s cat had kittens a couple years back. He offered us a pair so they wouldn’t be lonely, but you said you didn’t want the hassle of a litter box.”

  “I’m sorry. What color were the kittens you wanted?”

  “Calico.” Lips pressed tight, he turned for the car.

  “Based on my unique perspective of being an outside observer,” Jenny said, “sounds like we both played a part in the divorce. For what it’s worth, I’m not proud of mine.”

  “Water under the bridge.” He helped her into the car before walking around to climb in beside her. “Have you seen enough?”

  She nodded. “Do you think your friends have photos of the house?”

  “Our friends. And maybe? We’ll ask.”

  He started the engine and pulled away from the curb with a mixed bag of emotions. Sadness, relief, trepidation for their shared future. Or if they’d even share a future at all.

  “THANKS SO MUCH for coming,” Jenny held open the door for Rose and pregnant Lilianna, welcoming them inside. It had been two days since Tanner had taken her on the tour of their former home and the weather had turned ugly. Driving rain alternated with sleet that a north wind drove against the windows with enough force that she feared they’d break. But inside, Tanner had built a cozy fire in the hearth. Its soothing warmth made it hard to believe how much damage fire could do when left unchecked. “I figured we could sit at the kitchen table. I made cocoa. I hope you like it. It seemed to suit the day.”

  “That sounds delicious,” Rose said, shrugging free of her coat. “I love the new place. Tanner drove us nuts making sure every detail was just right.”

  “Remember the sofa fiasco?” Lilianna laughed. “Jenny, you used to have a burgundy-striped Bernhardt that you loved, so Tanner ordered you a lookalike. Only when it was delivered, the stripes were purple. It was hideous—not at all like the online picture. He went nuts. I’ve never seen a guy try so hard to please someone who wasn’t even here. Speaking of which, where is he?”

  “He’s on a grocery run. Didn’t want me and the baby out in this weather.”

  “Good man,” Rose said. “When I was pregnant, Colby treated me like I was a giant china figurine. He was sweet, though.”

  “Brody’s the same. I think since I went through my first pregnancy on my own, guilt has him all the more determined to make my second—”

  “He died…” Jenny froze. “Your first husband—what was his name? What was his name? Don’t tell me.” She pressed her fingertips to her forehead. “Brandon. His name was Brandon.” Hot, silent tears slid down her cheeks. “I-I’m so sorry he’s gone.”

  “H-how did you know?” Now, Lilianna was swiping tears with the sleeves of her oversized forest green maternity sweater.

  “No clue. It makes no sense.”

  “Let me show you a picture of him…” Rose took a half-dozen completed scrapbooks from a zipped vinyl tote. “He and Brody were twins.” She opened the top book, flipped to the three-quarters mark, then pointed to a print. “Here’s the two of them skiing at Alyeska.”

  “They look happy.”

  “They were,” Lilianna said. “It was a good day. We still have good days, but they’re different. I imagine it’s the same for you and Tanner?”

  Jenny nodded. “We’ve settled into a routine, taking walks in the morning and afternoon. We don’t talk all that much, but he always holds my hand. I like that.”

  “Progress…” Rose said with an easy smile. She was a beauty. With her dark hair, she reminded Jenny of a Disney princess. Snow White? Lilianna, too—only she was blonde. Cinderella?

  Rose opened a new scrapbook. “You helped me make this. These photos were Colby’s. He took them before I’d even met him. You and Tanner used to own a fishing lodge. As part of the divorce settlement, he sold it.”

  “Did he love it?”

  Rose and Lilianna shared a look.

  Lilianna said, “It was a tough life for both of you—gratifying, but tourist season was a blur. He took the fire chief job to try spending more time with you. But that backfired when it ended up taking even more of his time than the lodge.”

  They flipped through picture after picture.

  Album after album.

  All of them eventually became a blur. For the most part, Jenny had looked happy. Way more polished. She and Tanner hammed for the camera and more often than not held hands. In one Valentine’s Day photo, they kissed. Why didn’t he kiss her now? In fact, aside from holding her hand on their twice-a-day walks, they rarely touched. She wanted to hug and cuddle and experiment with more. To see if his faintly familiar breath tasted as good as it smelled.

  “Could I have this?” Jenny asked, tapping the shot.

  “Keep the whole book.” Rose closed it, giving it a light shove across the table. “In fact, keep all of them that feature you and Tanner.”

  “But they’re yours.”

  “Since you lost your copies in the fire, now, consider them yours.”

  “Thank you. I’ll take good care of them.”

  “I know you will.” Rose’s smile was as kind as her gift. “Take good care of Tanner, too. He loves you so much. Given time, I know you’ll learn to love him.”

  The more Jenny was with him, the more she realized her new friend was right. Maybe a part of her already did love Tanner? But what did he feel for her? Didn’t he want to kiss her?

  Chapter Eleven

  MAY PASSED, AND then June.

  Tanner had planne
d to return to work, but he had enough money saved from selling the fishing lodge that it was all too easy to fall into a comfortable stay-at-home routine with Jenny. They continued with their morning and afternoon walks and were now physically stronger, but mental baggage still weighed them both down.

  He’d built her a porch swing, but it was freestanding and occupied a corner of the back deck. Jenny had planted cheery pots of red and white petunias on either side. He loved watching her enjoy his creation, hugging her baby bump, humming happy songs.

  Was she happy? He wanted her to be. Lord knew, he was trying to help.

  Fourth of July in Kodiak Gorge was bedlam. Between tourists and locals, he had to park two blocks from the street where the mayor held the annual parade.

  The weather was beyond perfect with a clear blue sky and temps in the eighties.

  “Sure you want to do this?” he asked Jenny, who’d bought herself a festive red gingham sundress for the occasion. Lord, she looked pretty. With her once-short hair now long enough for pigtails, she could have been a teen. Their baby had grown to the point that she waddled when she walked. He kept it to himself that he thought all of her changes were adorable.

  “You said watching the parade was something we always did as a—oh!”

  “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

  “No.” She grinned. “The baby kicked extra hard. Maybe at my last sonogram I should have let the technician tell me the sex?”

  “I’d rather be surprised,” he said, more than a little jealous. He wanted to feel their baby, too. He craved cupping his hands to Jenny’s rounded belly.

  “Why don’t you ever go with me to see the sonogram? Or ask to feel?”

  “Feel the kicking?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “I’d love to be involved in every aspect of your doctor visits and feel the baby kick. I didn’t think you’d want me that close. If you didn’t think you could handle a manicure, I figured you also wouldn’t want me touching you.”

  “I assumed you didn’t want to…” She took his hand, guiding his right palm to the peak of her bump, then covering his hand with hers.

  When the baby kicked beneath his palm, tears sprung to Tanner’s eyes. “That’s amazing.”

  “I know, right?”

  “How often does it happen?”

  “All the time. Whenever you want to feel, let me know. I don’t mind.”

  “Thank you. I will.” Being with her like this made him crave more of the same openness and communication. All this time they’d been together, yet living more like roomies than husband and wife.

  Once they’d left the car and walked hand-in-hand toward Main, she asked, “Will there be cotton candy at the parade?”

  “Probably. You used to love it—pink.”

  “Judging by that sweet smell, I think I still do.”

  Tanner found Jenny a seat on a bench, bought her a bag of pink cotton candy, then stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders while float after float drifted by. Most businesses used the same ones each year, but improved upon them.

  “Look! Is that Lilianna on the bank float?”

  “She works there.” The float featured a log shed that had been decorated with dollar signs and plastic gold coins. Standing out front was an employee wearing a bear costume and Mardi Gras beads. Lilianna stood alongside the dancing grizzly, throwing candy to waving kids.

  “How fun! Did we have a float for the fishing lodge?”

  “Yeah. It was just one of our fishing boats on a trailer, but you dressed like a sexy Statue of Liberty.” He couldn’t resist leaning lower to whisper, “You looked hot.”

  “Thanks.” She grinned. “Do you ever miss it? The lodge—not the float.”

  “I do. But it’s okay. It wasn’t your thing and I couldn’t run it alone.”

  In between clown cars and the ten-member Kodiak Gorge Marching Band, she said, “I wasn’t very nice.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “But why didn’t we run the lodge together?”

  “That was the plan, but sometimes things just don’t work out.”

  “What if we bought it back?”

  “Not possible.”

  “We could buy land. Build a new one.”

  “That’s a nice dream, but for now, let’s just watch the parade.” Tanner wished he could follow his own advice. All he wanted to watch was Jenny. He loved her so much, yet this woman he shared a house with wasn’t her. Jenny had been fiery and brimming with opinions on everything from paint colors to what they ate to politics. Jenny 2.0 rarely raised her voice, didn’t seem interested in any of the crafting materials he’d bought her, and cared more about watching deer graze in the yard than decorating the house or her nails.

  When the parade ended, they joined up with Brody, who watched his infant nephew and now stepson, Donny, while Lilianna finished helping her coworkers stow the float. Rose and Colby were meeting them at the lakeside park for barbecue and dancing.

  Since it didn’t get dark this time of year till midnight, fireworks would be the last item on the party agenda.

  They found Rose and Colby in the sun-dappled shade of a stand of aspens.

  A warm, musky-smelling breeze drifted off the sun-sparked lake that sported a flotilla of float planes from all over the state. A new arrival touched down with barely a splash.

  Rose had spread a blue blanket across the velvety grass, but their son Nick was showing off his new walking skills and would much rather explore than sit.

  Ten-month-old Donny wanted in on the action, but could only crawl. What he apparently viewed as a grave injustice resulted in a temper tantrum.

  “Could I hold him?” Jenny asked Brody. “I’d love some practice before our little one arrives.”

  “Be my guest.” Brody plucked his stepson from the grass, brushed off his baby blue jeans and red plaid shirt, then handed him to Jenny. “I’m not sure when Lilianna will finally get here, but I’ll be glad when she does. She’s much better at tackling these situations.”

  Rose laughed. “Maybe that’s because when Donny pitches a fit, you let her handle it?”

  “Guilty,” Brody admitted.

  Tanner’s heart came dangerously close to bursting when seeing Jenny hold Donny. He couldn’t wait to see her with their child. And unlike Brody, Tanner wanted to experience his son or daughter’s every mood.

  He wished this day would last forever. The sun. The smiles. The prayer that if he held on long enough, Jenny would once again love him. He had no doubt she liked him—even cared for him—but that was a long way from where he wanted to be.

  When they thought no one was looking, Rose and Colby shared kisses and whispers and smoldering looks. Once Lilianna returned thirty minutes later, Brody’s entire face lit to see her. She ran to him, hugging her husband and then their son.

  Meanwhile, Tanner stood there like an oaf, mooning over his wife who didn’t even seem to see him. What was he doing wrong? He’d nailed friendship, but where was their former passion? Sex had always been the easy part.

  Just when Tanner didn’t think this couples picnic could get more awkward, Hawk and Patrick strolled across the green. Hawk carried a massive red cooler and had canvas totes slung over each shoulder. Patrick’s only contribution to the party was a woman whose coppery hair glinted in the sun.

  Tanner did a double take.

  No way?

  On autopilot, Tanner found himself jogging toward his former nurse, Stephie King, crushing her in a bear hug. “What are you doing here?”

  “What do you think? I’m here for barbecue and hot single guys—not married old fogies like you.” She punctuated her teasing words with one of her easy grins.

  He’d missed her. In an odd way, he missed the hospital when his sole focus had been recovering for Jenny. If he’d known she wouldn’t be there for him at the end of his journey, would he have fought so hard to get better?

  “Stephie! You made it!” Rose leapt from the blanket to greet their new a
rrival. “And I’m happy to see my welcoming committee found you.”

  “This crowd is just as fun and rowdy as you promised,” Stephie said after hugging Rose and then Lilianna. “You weren’t kidding about the cute guys, either.” She winked at Tanner. “Who’s got beer?”

  “Got it.” Patrick took a sweating can from Hawk’s cooler.

  “I see how it is…” Hawk landed a sucker punch to Patrick’s shoulder. “I lug the beer over here, but you get all the credit?”

  “Guilty.” Patrick handed the beer to Stephie, then popped open another can for himself. “Who’s up for sniper Frisbee?”

  “I’m down,” Hawk dug through one of his totes for a stack of neon green discs.

  Stephie cocked her head. “What’s the difference between sniper Frisbee and the regular kind?”

  Rose sighed. “The regular kind is fun. This version usually results in a run to the ER for stitches.”

  “Hey—” Patrick argued. “I can stitch my own battle wounds.”

  Lilianna rolled her eyes. “Brody, you’re not allowed to play. I promised Trace you’d help man the bank’s grill.” Trace Stanton was the bank’s vice president and her boss.

  “Not even for like thirty minutes?” Brody whispered something to his wife that made her redden.

  “Okay,” she said while laughing with her hands pressed to flushed cheeks. “But only thirty minutes. And you’d better not come back bleeding!”

  “Yes, ma’am.” While Hawk passed out three Frisbees to each player, Brody gave his wife a mock salute.

  Colby scooped up Nick, planting him in the blanket’s center before chasing after his friends.

  “Aren’t you playing?” Lilianna asked Tanner. “We’ll keep Jenny company. I’ve been saving the story of when all of you tough SEALs nearly drowned in the Second Annual Kodiak Gorge Raft Race.”

  “For the record,” Tanner pointed to Brody. “That fiasco was all on your husband who never could tie a decent knot.”

  “Whatever…” Brody snagged a beer from Hawk’s cooler, then gestured for Tanner to follow. “Hurry up. My leash already got shorter.”

  “Thirty minutes!” Lilianna shouted after them.